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joke that he sometimes appears on my facebook feed. eh wait. i thought he is in camp. shouldnt be his bus pass by my house right. i will never wish him and another girl happiness! im not that graceful. dang OT-ed too late today

 i feel like my colleague has shifty behavior lol, fucking obvious

 i miss feeling sad. long walks are good because - you disconnect - you carry loads - greenery even in the rain, i want to be able to walk my anxiety is back because of the two back in my life. wish they can be further away so i can continue to be happy and anxiety free dont think too much is good. dont make the mind too complicated. im already sick of the sugary macarons. fish bowl! i love seeing ponds alas, i feel my mind already has to constantly be empty. the older you are, the more you see, nothing satisfies me anymore, other than simple pleasures i wonder why she mentioned like a broken heart in the end. did they ever flirt with each other or was it a third party? i am super curious.  i dont want to think about my own happiness. he hurt me so many times already until to me hoping for love is just asking for pain. these days the weather very cold i feel very tired. too much sugar, too little exercise.. i dont like cerebral art.

 learning to idgaf if people dislike me. even important people. reclaim back my self power. and my sense of safety. focus on the task on hand. Cultivating a sense of safety and detachment involves creating internal stability and maintaining emotional distance from external stressors. Here’s how you can develop both: 1. Build Your Inner Sense of Safety Grounding Practices: Breathing Exercises: Deep, slow breaths can calm your nervous system and anchor you in the present moment. Try: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 8 counts. Physical Grounding: Place your feet flat on the ground and focus on the connection to the earth, reminding yourself, “I am safe in this moment.” Self-Reassurance: Speak affirmations to yourself: “I am in control of my responses.” “I can handle whatever comes my way.” Carry a small object (e.g., a smooth stone or piece of jewelry) that reminds you of calmness when touched. Establish Rituals: Daily routines provide pred...

whew i thought i lost my staff pass and client's token today sia.. turns out it is inside my bag compartment that i never know existed. brain fog is REAL. and there is no feeling one.

that small woman posted something want to trigger me huh. i wont be triggered. its entirely up to me. wa waking up on mondays tiredddd. i need swimming! i trying to save money actually i buy make up also nothing much change la i dont like to associate with the uncle. he very low energy i start to feel tired with him around because i havent learn to strengthen my own energy soon soon i will not need to take taxi to work. now i from work no need

people flirting on ig again.. made me feel sad had small urge to counter post with my own life photos.. but dont want ba.. if he liked me, i would not need to jostle for attention.. like a sad beggar my thought is.. i rather focus on myself. dont want to lash out at my loved ones waiting for dan da dan to come out i very hungry sia.. i lazy eat tempura i want to go swimming, singing, eat twg.. go canoeing! learn coding.. watch something naughty.. do i need to swim at night or skipping? ya sia. get free motivation from heartbreak.. can do.. i want to try stepper.. maybe not.. dont waste money.. get rid of my belly.. want to learn systems design for data stuff sia like simulate a server with xxx architecture, how i would go about troubleshooting stuff teach me about tokens teach me about auth when i think about learning coding, all my useless pain gone

its been a good two weeks of not seeing that woman and her boyfriend.. free of distraction. free of gross energy.. free of her mean spiritedness.. i wish she would disappear from the face of the earth.. too bad and minding my own business and keeping my precious energy. why does it feel good. feels good because you cherish yourself the most. learn my code, earn my money, be happy i still feel very ugly when i look at myself in the mirror. time to put make up during the weekend! that furtive woman.. not curious at all what she needs to bad mouth other people this time.. my guess is the two who went to shanghai anyway lets ignore.. remember my yearly goal.. dont be so negative! achieved! what should i do tonight? study? watch a show? watch something naughty? what exercise should i do tomorrow morning? where to go?  the horrible guy looks aged now, probably work stress.. anyway good for him la. he's a mean person.

i realised how much his ig posts have an impact on my mood. like thinking he doesnt have a partner and single makes me much more happier. i would like my happiness to not depend on that. its like taylor swift's fortnight. very obsessed about him. ooooh. no, no. i want to focus on myself. i miss him. he didnt post already. i am happy that my enemy's friend did not get together with him but i want 100 percent confirmation that she will never get together with him ever. the thought that i have to see my enemy again. bummer. wait till i dont have to see her! she makes me whole uncomfortable unfortunately my brother and father suddenly wear amulet bead i dont like sia. like suck my energy. i have a weak mind is it. i went for walk and swim, doesnt make me happier. pampering myself and seeing his ig post looking very single make me happy. never mind, never mind, i will focus on leveling up and improving myself ok. so i have money to spend on pampering myself.  luxury makes me happy. ...