07/12/2020 - why think so much
why think so much. come to think of it, it really doesn't make sense. i spent today in mental pain. on the outside i am having fun with my family member. but on the inside i am in pain. triggered by whatsapp and ruminating whether i am indeed close to my two friends. what the hell. waste time. anyway, i walked a lot, like 10am-5pm walking mostly. jumped rope twice and cooked dinner. really active day. and my legs doesn't hurt. i think they got stronger from skipping. i now jump rope quite fast and quite continuously to the tune of 2 songs. slowly up until i hit 30 mins. that's the magic number to stave off depression and anxiety. i am determined to take control of it even though obviously you have to practice acceptance and not control. but i would like to feel i have some self mastery.