Pensieve

 it's been a while. limbo i am stuck in limbo. stuck with an exam i can't pass. stuck with a colleague i can't handover to. starting my chemo. i try not to think if i will get stuck in the old project. just think forward and that's it. about you my office crush left the company. but is still active in the chats. like a ghost. but its ok  the distance gives me needed peace. now i have brain space to do my own things. good. nothing but heartache and pointless longing. so it is a good break. he will never like me. it is like the song about you by 1975. when you want to remember how someone made you feel, there is a place you go back to to remember them. but the memory is pretty hazy. i cling on, because it isn't often i fall for someone. i do actually treasure it how it made me feel what i learnt about myself. as usual, i am obssessed and avoidant at the same time when it comes to love. romantic love is always tinged with hatred jealousy and prickliness for me. trying