20240922
oh lord i felt depressed as fuck today. went to some temple to help some volunteering. not for me. hot. full of people. and i am not religious. no greenery. no empty buildings. plus the heat makes me headache. i was ready to cry as i got rather depressed. was in a depressed mood as i went home. i see all the older people my mind starts going crazy imagining being single and lonely and having to do such activities. i do believe that being single or childless makes the person eccentric as there is no one to mirror back to them. but of course there are definitely weird married women. its also a society stereotype. there was a woman talking about blessed rice. spiritual materialism i guess. if you dont know go google the concept. unfortunately i am a pessimist so magical thinking does not work for me. at least in nature i feel so much happier. it doesnt mean depressed is bad. because at the end of depressed episode i sometimes have new realisations. i conclude religion community and volun