how i have changed in this year

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- become fatter - my face looks like a moon, i'm low key panicking i'm starting to look way older than 30 and i have a real bad relationship with food now
- eat lots of grab, fast food, consume lots of caffeine
- less constipated just because i eat papaya almost daily. without it my constipation returns.
- really stagnated and settled in my job. i realised its a dead end job when i tried to write up my resume for my next job
- happy year overall, i feel grateful for it, sad its ending soon
- kind start to feel like there are may things in life that other have achieved and i have not.
previously i was very depressed so i never really thought about those things. but now they are the the edge of my mind and i wish they didn't bother me that much because i hope to live life to the fullest.
- become into reading autobiographies, novels about people's experiences in life, pain
- being more aware of my social awkwardness, and blaming my dad for it privately (this is a blog, so i will be blunt here)
- become more inclined to fake a laugh and be merry with others even though inside i feel down (its like being hostess?)
- become inclined to be real negative with my family. we are in debt so my mum become negative too. i get really upset internally when i watch her get angry at restaurants because she ordered wrongly or decided the food was too expensive and wanted to void item(s) off the receipt.
- become into watching homeless videos
- become into watching bleach the anime

i have moved away from
- watching asmr barber on youtube
- getting tcm whole body massage, havent gone in a long time, still have some more sessions to clear, probably should, cause i'm getting pretty puffed up
- exercising
- blabbing my feelings in whatsapp chat

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