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 recently been into self improvement revived my interest in buddhism https://medium.com/meditation-without-mysticism/what-calvin-and-hobbes-taught-me-about-mindfulness-21f707245677 Because your mind is never satisfied with the present moment — it will always need something else.  Something needs to be fixed. Something needs to be added or taken away. Something needs to be acquired or achieved. https://www.thetadprinciple.com/tad-blog/stop-tomorrowing-yourself-to-the-end-of-your-life Many people argue that being present means you can't plan or have goals. But these people confuse  planning  with  dwelling and ruminating .  Plan. Take action. Evaluate and adjust. And, do it all mindfully in the only time you can do it - now.  Your mind perpetuates this cycle. It tells you that happiness, success, and fulfillment lie at some point down the road. When you reach that point, however, you always find your mind has pushed it farther down the road. You are bein...

 hi its me making my customary start of the year post. as usual, i slept through the fireworks sound. i wanted to say these - hormones. i have hormones. like i get attracted to this guy, it bothers me, i get attracted to next guy. im a very unconfident person, so im ashamed of my own attraction and it makes me anxious. this is my pattern im pretty average looking and not attractive personality, so i dont foresee any reciprocation - theres this youtube channel called therapy in a nutshell. go watch it. its pretty good the episode i watched, she taught about cognitive diffusion it is to separate yourself from your intrusive/disturbing thoughts she mentioned this girl who wrote her recurrent thought on a stone and everytime she chose to believe she would have to hold that heavy stone in her hand other is to label your thoughts. i think it is just to sort them into neat little categories so you can address them in a methodical manner. - random check list clear out my room do some work ...

im seeing a therapist online. it is not as serious as you might think. we chat. if i have journal entries she analyses them for me i take magnesium, probiotic, prebiotic, beta glucan for my mood cooking is calming swimming is habit forming exercise i get apathy during anxiety and i start to drop ball and have poor memory avoid caffeine avoid sugar

i am about 1.5 months into my new job i always dont feel safe in it. like i dont know how long i last always feel like i offend people there's this colleague who is hard to get along with as she is critical. she cannot take flaws after she launches her tirade i'm now volunteering at my old company during my after hours its hard to motivate to open the work laptop you have brought home. i have two aims for bringing work home to code to clear some paperwork i have breast lump not gone for scan cos i will need to take leave i do think i am being reckless la exercise i only skip 5 minutes on weekday mornings. i am trying to shift to night exercise so i can do it longer. its evening time now. im so full i dont think i can exercise. what else can i do stranger things is nice. the plot quite coherent, which is rare

 https://backrooms.fandom.com/wiki/Level_37 i like the vibe. it like an introvert's fantasy spaces which resemble dreamscapes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOa0zQBRs_M i like the vibe. it looks like a game play https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpP43hEXlqg https://www.theartnewspaper.com/2021/07/10/lokis-production-designer-on-the-modernist-inspiration-behind-the-shows-stunning-visuals loki architecture 

 uncle bob solid, java https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jDNAf3CzeY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPv9-cHEmQw angular js https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8JIQEPSt0&list=PL4cUxeGkcC9gsJS5QgFT2IvWIX78dV3_v&index=14

 feeling cranky cos i am in the process of learning coding oops the process of a js dev trying to learn java trying out editors - i like vscode cos of auto complete, eclipse has too many settings i need to config pity there's no semi colon insertion i have admin stuff i have not done done - clothing not done - speedpost my return, finish company onboarding stuff even though i have no email access, trying out stuff in the environment i just setup for my new job