20230101

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 hi its me making my customary start of the year post. as usual, i slept through the fireworks sound.


i wanted to say these

- hormones. i have hormones. like i get attracted to this guy, it bothers me, i get attracted to next guy. im a very unconfident person, so im ashamed of my own attraction and it makes me anxious. this is my pattern

im pretty average looking and not attractive personality, so i dont foresee any reciprocation


- theres this youtube channel called therapy in a nutshell. go watch it. its pretty good

the episode i watched, she taught about cognitive diffusion

it is to separate yourself from your intrusive/disturbing thoughts

she mentioned this girl who wrote her recurrent thought on a stone and everytime she chose to believe she would have to hold that heavy stone in her hand

other is to label your thoughts. i think it is just to sort them into neat little categories so you can address them in a methodical manner.


- random check list

clear out my room

do some work - figma

chase some stuff

test out modules if any


- im obsessed with these

- 2023 predictions for my chinese zodiac sign, i feel i have bad luck all the time, so such astrology appeals to me. either makes me feel gloomy or gives me hope


my cancer

- sometimes gives me anxiety that it will come back. or metastasize

- i did not go for radio nor chemo

im only taking lingzhi and tamoxifen faithfully

yet to incorporate exercise


take stock of 2022

i feel 2022 is a year where work was relatively easy in terms of work. humans were challenging

i did not achieve any learning goals


i suddenly thought of what makes writing meaningful

i just saw on tiktok that going to school is a form of brainwashing

so i guess if you are not going to ask for answers served to you

then you have to reflect and analyse for your own answers



social anxiety

we went to this company function where it was crowded and very very noisy

i was pretty eager to get out. was feeling pretty depressed already.

drank beers. tiger lager was tasty. no alcohol smell. malty

drinking. is a bad idea. i was depressed the next morning.



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