on feeling numb sometimes

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my brain feels like its been abused. it feels numb. a sense of feeling like i do so much work and make so much error and it comes back to bite me. there is no special way to not have error in your work. you just check your work.

i do not understand my own pain my own mood when it comes. i just feel stifled frustrated uneasy.

it is neither good to think of your work as good or bad. its just work. you get into it. you get overloaded. you get paid. you get fat and unhealthy. your brain cells die. your skin wrinkles. you look old. you age. you get closer to old age and death. you wish you could be young again.

the details of your work get muddier as you get more familiar and comfortable at work. it gets boring. mundane. repetitive. brain numbing.

you try to do things that make you feel younger. you love your quiet your solitude because you know you put on a mask and consider others feelings when you are with them its tiring. you learn to not care about others.

actually i rather not have to worry about keeping my mouth shut around others.

you waste time you drag your feet to work. that is the worst feeling in the world. a prison of your own creation.

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