end of the year leave
.. and life is like a balancing act
these days..
its approaching the end of the year where u have to clear my leave because i hear the company i work for doesn't allow us to carry forward leave.
my year's contract is ending soon. i am not sure if they are renewing me, everyone says its a given, but its hard to believe.
and my character is the kind that bosses don't like because sometimes i will get an overwhelming impulsive urge to do something a little stupid and annoying once in a while.
can't stand people subjecting me to higher and higher standards
now its underlying anxious buzz that feels like what i feel when i have too much caffeine or drank tea, and concurrently, let's give it our minimum effort to coast along and speed up our knowledge in the field we have been trying to learn so we can jump ship.
(i call me and my rational mind "we", it makes me feel less alone and more confident.)
i have managed to keep calm and stay reliable - #smallvictory
i haven't completely eliminated that side of me that follows pretty bad impulses, break rules even though i could have totally toed the line, do stuff that can cost me dearly
-Taylor Swift's Red: ".. is like driving Maserati down a dead end street".
-Tove Lo's Moments prologue: ".. just always been drawn to fucking everything up.. it just makes you feel so free like no one can depend on you and no one expects anything from you.."
more acceptance. more coffee. more adherence to values. my co-worker is a model worker so i internalise her work values, which i admire. you may not like your job but you do it well, error free, and people trust your work. on top of that, mentor and encourage people. put on a smile and make small talk (firm NO on the last one, hate that)
other than that, my impression of myself is a worker who makes efforts and will work well if you let me have greater control over my work and it allows me to automate the excel shit out of it. i cannot tolerate mind numbing work that requires you to check your data manually at every step. i am the kind of support staff who will run your ship quietly and autonomously once i know what my supported wants. i will not hesitate to interrupt people and get my answers so i can push ahead with my own stuff.
these days..
its approaching the end of the year where u have to clear my leave because i hear the company i work for doesn't allow us to carry forward leave.
my year's contract is ending soon. i am not sure if they are renewing me, everyone says its a given, but its hard to believe.
and my character is the kind that bosses don't like because sometimes i will get an overwhelming impulsive urge to do something a little stupid and annoying once in a while.
can't stand people subjecting me to higher and higher standards
now its underlying anxious buzz that feels like what i feel when i have too much caffeine or drank tea, and concurrently, let's give it our minimum effort to coast along and speed up our knowledge in the field we have been trying to learn so we can jump ship.
(i call me and my rational mind "we", it makes me feel less alone and more confident.)
i have managed to keep calm and stay reliable - #smallvictory
i haven't completely eliminated that side of me that follows pretty bad impulses, break rules even though i could have totally toed the line, do stuff that can cost me dearly
-Taylor Swift's Red: ".. is like driving Maserati down a dead end street".
-Tove Lo's Moments prologue: ".. just always been drawn to fucking everything up.. it just makes you feel so free like no one can depend on you and no one expects anything from you.."
more acceptance. more coffee. more adherence to values. my co-worker is a model worker so i internalise her work values, which i admire. you may not like your job but you do it well, error free, and people trust your work. on top of that, mentor and encourage people. put on a smile and make small talk (firm NO on the last one, hate that)
other than that, my impression of myself is a worker who makes efforts and will work well if you let me have greater control over my work and it allows me to automate the excel shit out of it. i cannot tolerate mind numbing work that requires you to check your data manually at every step. i am the kind of support staff who will run your ship quietly and autonomously once i know what my supported wants. i will not hesitate to interrupt people and get my answers so i can push ahead with my own stuff.
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