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 hi its me making my customary start of the year post. as usual, i slept through the fireworks sound. i wanted to say these - hormones. i have hormones. like i get attracted to this guy, it bothers me, i get attracted to next guy. im a very unconfident person, so im ashamed of my own attraction and it makes me anxious. this is my pattern im pretty average looking and not attractive personality, so i dont foresee any reciprocation - theres this youtube channel called therapy in a nutshell. go watch it. its pretty good the episode i watched, she taught about cognitive diffusion it is to separate yourself from your intrusive/disturbing thoughts she mentioned this girl who wrote her recurrent thought on a stone and everytime she chose to believe she would have to hold that heavy stone in her hand other is to label your thoughts. i think it is just to sort them into neat little categories so you can address them in a methodical manner. - random check list clear out my room do some work - fi

im seeing a therapist online. it is not as serious as you might think. we chat. if i have journal entries she analyses them for me i take magnesium, probiotic, prebiotic, beta glucan for my mood cooking is calming swimming is habit forming exercise i get apathy during anxiety and i start to drop ball and have poor memory avoid caffeine avoid sugar

i am about 1.5 months into my new job i always dont feel safe in it. like i dont know how long i last always feel like i offend people there's this colleague who is hard to get along with as she is critical. she cannot take flaws after she launches her tirade i'm now volunteering at my old company during my after hours its hard to motivate to open the work laptop you have brought home. i have two aims for bringing work home to code to clear some paperwork i have breast lump not gone for scan cos i will need to take leave i do think i am being reckless la exercise i only skip 5 minutes on weekday mornings. i am trying to shift to night exercise so i can do it longer. its evening time now. im so full i dont think i can exercise. what else can i do stranger things is nice. the plot quite coherent, which is rare

 https://backrooms.fandom.com/wiki/Level_37 i like the vibe. it like an introvert's fantasy spaces which resemble dreamscapes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOa0zQBRs_M i like the vibe. it looks like a game play https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpP43hEXlqg https://www.theartnewspaper.com/2021/07/10/lokis-production-designer-on-the-modernist-inspiration-behind-the-shows-stunning-visuals loki architecture 

 uncle bob solid, java https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jDNAf3CzeY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPv9-cHEmQw angular js https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8JIQEPSt0&list=PL4cUxeGkcC9gsJS5QgFT2IvWIX78dV3_v&index=14

 feeling cranky cos i am in the process of learning coding oops the process of a js dev trying to learn java trying out editors - i like vscode cos of auto complete, eclipse has too many settings i need to config pity there's no semi colon insertion i have admin stuff i have not done done - clothing not done - speedpost my return, finish company onboarding stuff even though i have no email access, trying out stuff in the environment i just setup for my new job

 i never taken to java too much boilerplate, i just dont get oop so after some youtube videos and googling about java, i decided to learn a framework i think the learn backwards style is better for me, i require a lot of context to be able to absorb anything. a framework is good for letting you see all the parts interacting i come from a javascript background javascript's syntax wise is pretty similar to java, so i can scrimp on these parts if else, switch case, curly brackets, exactly the same javascript has functions as first class citizens. anyway i only ever used it in functions first manner. like functional react java is class first. i also saw one could write java in functional style spring boot is a java framework for making web and server it uses this thing called dependency injection, with the @ annotation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SGDpanrc8U i am watching this one by amigoscode. so far he's the online content creator i am going to focus on i be watching his you

i've been stressed the whole week kinda spoilt my enjoyment of my 1 week break was the worst on the day i stayed home to learn java spring boot pre new job jitters i don't want to talk about it i will definitely miss my ex job with wfh. wfh, i believe i will be able to see you again, once i have sharpened my skillset coach jason ho on tiktok says to be an sme, subject matter expert i quite like frank niu too, he is just so calm and logical i am very emotional person, so i admire people who seem to have their shit together

its abit weird how i didnt record this moment. guess it goes to show how much of a isfp i am, i really dont care about money and job status, i only happy because i want to make my parents happy ok, so i enrolled in a intern program for 1 year, attached to a startup as a dev, and landed an offer. pending health check. cross fingers no bomb. i think the tech market is crazy now i got spammed with interview invites and got 2 offers the job role sounds like outerspace lmao simi mission soooo. make a  i cant say too much cos i also dont know about what it holds for me i will miss the work from home welp its ok [name], you will work there a while and do remote work when you get more experience! welp, i dont know how to interact with my ex colleague once i left sia nevermind, i only know i will make him a nice card to express my gratitude! i also dunno how i can help him sia.

 tried learning java oop. still found it lame. dont see the point of the boilerplate docker. cool. some progress. techworld with nana. cos node/npm is really annoying. i have this strapi project that keeps giving me issues until i downgrade node and npm. made me want to learn to run a container thinking of doing a project. react x typescript x apollo? radium for css? strapi?

run algorithm, also need efficient data structure to store and retrieve information these can be made from primitive types https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOxTMOCTEZk ben awad hastable - implementation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shs0KM3wKv8&list=PLLXdhg_r2hKA7DPDsunoDZ-Z769jWn4R8&index=4 hackerrank hashtable - theory it has a hash function that spreads out the keys in the table i still dont know how it works, lmao just know its efficient

https://www.typescriptlang.org/docs/handbook/typescript-in-5-minutes.html docs  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCg4U1FzODs traversy media typescript tsc cli commands i had to use brew cos i broke my npm i-g it returns eaccess error have different folder for input and output files init for the config file watch to have hot reload better error better documentation, auto suggest will work in vscode so far all the npm libs i've used been written in ts

i have a new mac for personal use cos online people say macs are good for coding i have a hard time with node and npm npm i -g also doesnt work i have to use brew install

i have 3 upcoming interviews. tbh i think they look too advanced for my beginner thinking about how i can get what i want.