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ok so it turns out the bitch didn't want mr suave. she saw our boss as better target. she chased him quite ferociously. keeps boasting she joins the managerial meeting and does minutes which are actually written by him. everyone hates her. heard she played mobile games for 2 hours in the office. in short she is utterly shameless. good for her. i want to post her name and picture on the internet with pictures of her and our boss together outside privately. best the one with them holding hands, kissing, and include one with her rubbing against him. she used to rub her body against her ex too. i longg to post her name on the internet.

let me tell you the story of a green tea bitch and a hamsum with cheater potential.  i work closely with greentea in office. greentea has/had a long term boyfriend if more than 5 years (not sure if they still together, greentea always winces when i ask her about mr i-seriously-think-you-were-cuckolded nowadays). but she also crushes on the now ex-tech lead mr suave. suave probably left to avoid suspicion? i remember seeing her and her mr cuckolded boyfriend, she was cosying, rubbing her body against mr cuckold and leaning into him talking, on the mrt on our way back, from one of our get togethers. also knows he buys her hundreds dollar worth gifts on her birthday. (actually not very expensive i guess, she is into expensive gifts). ms prettii and mr suave ever played accidental touch ( hand brushing as they both reached for the mouse, then longing looks). she sent him a sticker of fingers touching on group chat before. anyway suave decided to teach us newbies coding in chinese (cos ...

 you should be more selfish.. when it comes to thinking about your goals and aspirations.. when i struggle with trying to motivate myself.. things that work imagining being fired from a job telling myself i deserve it, so i get the self image needed to hold down a job and aspirations i have a very fuzzy sense of self i adapt to others i am lazy i escapism

i feel like with whats going on recently.. has healed me.. my emotions all stuck in side.. extreme emotions.. and my masking.. i feel it is better for me not to pretend i am not a nerd..

 it's been a while. limbo i am stuck in limbo. stuck with an exam i can't pass. stuck with a colleague i can't handover to. starting my chemo. i try not to think if i will get stuck in the old project. just think forward and that's it. about you my office crush left the company. but is still active in the chats. like a ghost. but its ok  the distance gives me needed peace. now i have brain space to do my own things. good. nothing but heartache and pointless longing. so it is a good break. he will never like me. it is like the song about you by 1975. when you want to remember how someone made you feel, there is a place you go back to to remember them. but the memory is pretty hazy. i cling on, because it isn't often i fall for someone. i do actually treasure it how it made me feel what i learnt about myself. as usual, i am obssessed and avoidant at the same time when it comes to love. romantic love is always tinged with hatred jealousy and prickliness for me. trying ...

it feels like ages since i left the mobile app startup i was interning at to work in corporate. working in an office is COMPLICATED. because you have to deal with humans. many times you see behaviours that give you pause. i feel like a lot of my brain space is unnecessarily taken up by thinking too much of what other people think. if people dont like me, i cant help it. cos inside, i really think i'm just plain ol me. no idea what other people see. its pretty tiring also. humans are tiring, always you dealing with egos. except for my parents. so now my goal is make my mind a nice garden. i realise i have a lot of dark negative thoughts i need to work through.  things i absolutely have to do to prevent depression or having a shit brain on any day - take tamoxifen on time - jog daily - do not alcohol - do not sugar - i have cravings for sugar. im attempting to substitute with fruit i dont dare to take vitamin b complex anymore. i heard folate can increase breast cancer risk. but i fe...