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  this is a meal i cooked. typical one.  i dont love cooking. its just i need proper nutrition that's all thinking of sneaking in some light exercise and complete the project outline. i cant believe how much time i have spent on it do i not understand the topic?! stupid avado project 2 is a pain in the ass what are banking micro moments that are critical? and i very long never exercise my belly very scary. haiya how to go crazy and exercise alot alot. i tried wysa and i didn't like it. same as woebot. overall i think calm is better in terms of mental wellness app. i also like bts healing songs like bts in the soop, 4 oclock, trivia seesaw,  forever rain etc and i like watching mejoo and cats as well as her vlog channel on youtube. i like her lifestyle and her voice and light humor.

i need a meal plan for next week. wonder if i can survive 2 meals a day? my meals sucked when i worked i kept OTing so dad kept buying food for me i also realised my mum stocks the fridge and i hate grocery shopping. if i have no groceries and i dont stop being lazy, i end up grab-bing all the time which is expensive no i'm not going to use the adulting tag. im 30 and this is stupid. ok i still have my project outline to do and 2 toilets to wash and hanging up the laundry to dry before everyone come back. stuff you need to look out for in old age exercise habit way when you are way younger, before middle age even older people need lists of prohibited food need to measure and record constantly when they get even older, they probably need to keep a journal so they can maintain their memories.

getting back the project marks the score was ok, we got 6/10, after painstaking work too. ohmygawd, the course is not easy. but, that's good, because i do like a challenge anyway the section done by our mini group was graded professional, the 2nd highest, so it came as a comfort cannot let that setback hold me back. need a clean state of mind. i cleared 2 google skillshop modules today. because i realised those modules with certs were shorter in length so i am going to start targeting them. ergh i wanted to clear those before oct ends, i dont want to drag out the course anymore i have been neglecting my coding.

 i think, i am suffering from empathy fatigue now. so i need to vent right now. here. supporting one friend who has work loneliness  while navigating minefields by being really direct but objective as much as i can manage.  so i preserve my boundaries. and my sanity trying to have adult-like conversations that are win-win  shifting her away from being too negative so i don't get overwhelmed by negativity and maybe not feel bored and dragged down due to the repetitiveness negative people display it's common to be obsessive i felt so drained and tired after listening to her troubles when we went out i have my own set of social anxiety to deal with, and hearing other people's difficulties with it, i don't know is it good to know more about the unhappiness of the world? people still befuddle me i felt like i have been listening to her kvetch is this considered in depth conversation?  listening to troubles and offering positivity? we don't share the same humor she as...

back to my obsession with routines again i'm obsessed with self motivation and self regulation, like how do you build up positive habits according to google, some includes: being positive yourself do small. small wins are the way you do it. don't set yourself up for failure and unpleasantness. don't overreach too soon. associate with people who are positive and get their life in order and talks about how they feel proud about it. my mum finds discipline easy and is the person who picks stuff up after you  but she will also get lazy and spoilt if you do too much of her stuff dad is only motivated at work.  he works 6 days a week. for god knows how many decades. under the sun. standing in the hangar, in the runway.  at home, he's quite the slob, but we don't demand much of him. do extra for people. doing nice stuff for people that doesn't feel like you are overdoing (this qualifier is important).  i fill up people's water bottles, bring out the trash, bring in...

 its 1.5/6 months into the course i have wasted 0.5 month doing zilch. last month i cleared the digital garage module group (except 2) and the analytics module group, left with the skillshop module group. cleared the avado module 3 pending the live classes and the project. still left with 15 google skillshop modules. the ad one i'm doing is already endless. easy but endless and then there's the coursera ones too. and the concepts for the project - that's the largest time drain because you have no idea where you are going, keep on googling and googling until you chance upon an article that fits the essay you have to write. i am not using my brain, i am just googling iteratively until i get the best answer, that's what i am doing right now. it may or may not be faster without collaboration. your group mates do give ideas sometimes, and i try my best not to shoot down ideas prematurely. my target:  2 weeks to clear the skillshop, 1 week to clear the project. i took 2 days ...

Why Fake Friends are Ruining You and How to End a Friendship great article.

stuff that makes me feel atas 1 thing. having coffee in a deserted cafe. can be mcdonalds, can be %arabica at jewel some humans around, makes me feel like i have to look productive and actually i do get stuff done when there's busy people around me. and maybe studying at NTU on weekends when there no one at all - super quiet and the place is hugeee. i feel great when there are no humans, basically. things that make me feel good instantly music things that are chores by definition but make me feel good washing the toilet - i use everything with handles and sprays, i never crouch down to scrub the floor it smells good, and when your are lathering stuff, it kinda feels like bath time what others like to do to destress - but i dont showering, its mindless to me what i have no choice but to do cooking - cos i need my fibres go ntuc - cos i need my fibres (hong kong XL papaya) go nearby supermarket - cos i need my fibres how i create my own little workspace on my chrome browser i have a ...