23/05/2021 - i only like coding when i dont have to report my progress

 trying not to think about my boss face when i code

i feel very relaxed and enjoy when i work on the company's codebase during the weekend at my own pace, i can enjoy the process and take breaks. i can stop thinking about how long it will take and fully focus on the process.

but i am much less productive and more haste when its the weekday and i have to face the prospect of reporting my progress twice a day. but at least the meeting is only in the morning and the afternoon one's on trello. kinda sucks the joy and concentration away from the task when you have to deal with stressors. 

i cant seem to put it away from my mind even though i already set the alarm clock. maybe i write out my own progress report beforehand regardless of the true progress. i would like some level of privacy. already i have resisted the urge to check slack on weekends.

my boss probably puts me in the freezer but i dont really care because i still learn a lot of new stuff by looking at the code and he thankfully is not my paymaster. i am just waiting for the product launch to successfully pass so we can relax.

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i been behaving like a degenerate ever since i became a trainee at X startup. been washing my hair like once every 2-4 days. and my body every 2-3 days.

ok i'm done bathing cause i can't stand my musty smell today. i changed the sheets yesterday but i slept in without bathing. i smell a bit diffferent today, does period change your sweat smell? i really don't like that faintly sour smell. maybe i need to change the pillow cases soon. 

the neighbour's cat stopped her grooming to wait at the door though. she didn't meow to greet me so i think she must have liked my body odor or my period blood smell lol. i think she likes the smell of trash. all foreign smells to her.