Pensieve

ok i'm just going to write in a stream of consciousness style cos its just more satisfying dont like writing in journey app where there's zero possibility of anyone reading but me. doesnt feel good at all. feels kind of depressing even. - rainy weather bored out of my mind endless binge watching netflix chinese costume dramas zombies. monsters. anime - does 30s make u hornier. like i feel so dry recently. but super want to get off. its hard to get off when u are dry. ergh. annoying. used to be able to settle it once in a while n in record time, which i was pretty proud of. now i feel like a dry well crying for water. isit the teatree mint soap i've been using on my genitals. cos it itches either its dry skin or fungus i dunno. pee smell. now the smell and damp feeling is gone but i feel dry. how to sell drugs online fast. why does gen z depress me. too much tech in their lives. like pushing my box of imagining their human side. cats link to the past. i feel anything retro s...

went for vaccine today at the CC. doesnt hurt. slight ache and cool temperature after the rain makes me feel grounded. was reading this book about a male nurse. not bad. i like reading such stuff they make me feel grounded https://www.amazon.com/Change-Those-Diapers-Boy-Stories/dp/9814721824 another one was this https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/52692515-there-s-no-such-thing-as-an-easy-job also rediscovered flipboard is a feed for reading like google feed, facebook feed for the singpass endpoint i added in the final graphql woohoo.  used axios with headers and graphql https://stackoverflow.com/questions/51630137/post-mutation-to-graphql-with-axios security is server to server (no browser) and ssl i delete headers after the route also found a way to clear git commit history cos i accidentally commited something sensitive with git orphan https://www.google.com/amp/s/tecadmin.net/delete-commit-history-in-github/%3famp now its for me to harass the cert authority and the singpass ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uq3P7zeYyU qn: how to eat an elephant? ans: bit by bit. i shall try and apply it to my never-ending workload (i don't mind that, and the awful pain i have below) db admin stresses me. i hate hasura, i hate postgresql, i dont know if its cos of shitty cheap disks or postgresql itself. i keep having deadlocks and its really pain i really dont want to do it anymore. what i do to control my nerves/ take my mind off stuff - watch netflix - china costume dramas, china scifi dramas, kdramas, - i think asmr, which i have not watch for long time, is pretty good. update 27jun anyway i managed to sideline the problem table and use the existing table. hasura pain in the ass. i wrote to their twitter.

today is a slow code day for me. doing frontend. just the react-native and RN element library. don't have to read docs and get stress angry that your implementations dont work. frontend a little boring sometimes, but i can do it at 50% attention and watch some bts butter mv along the way. i decided, to secretly explore RN webviews. now from RN community, no longer part of RN. why though. even though my senior at work told me they are not going to work for a certain implementation. i just want to know how it works. deeplinking involves alot of config, separately for ios and android. i dont have ios so i dont feel like touching it. havent gotten round to installing vmware or genymotion. anway i dont think my laptop can handle it. also learnt about the ATS https://reactnative.dev/docs/network today

yay i pushed out code today. progress! for something i was stuck on for 3 days. on using the singpass myinfo api. it makes me happy. cos finally and anxious. cos i cant help but think there will be something screwed

 im going to slack off today. do my own stuff. listen to bts butter on loop

 trying not to think about my boss face when i code i feel very relaxed and enjoy when i work on the company's codebase during the weekend at my own pace, i can enjoy the process and take breaks. i can stop thinking about how long it will take and fully focus on the process. but i am much less productive and more haste when its the weekday and i have to face the prospect of reporting my progress twice a day. but at least the meeting is only in the morning and the afternoon one's on trello. kinda sucks the joy and concentration away from the task when you have to deal with stressors.  i cant seem to put it away from my mind even though i already set the alarm clock. maybe i write out my own progress report beforehand regardless of the true progress. i would like some level of privacy. already i have resisted the urge to check slack on weekends. my boss probably puts me in the freezer but i dont really care because i still learn a lot of new stuff by looking at the code and he t...