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today i want to celebrate something, i finally reached out to my career coach and sent that email asking her to look through my resume. she said she would do it by 4jan2021 a look at this year end jan - ended my job feb to aug - passed by in a blur. i think i started on machine learning somewhere and it is really quite a tough subject to understand sep to nov/dec - avado course, projects, wrestled with completing the google analytics module, and then the skillshop ones were the worst, and then later on the hubspot ones i used various tools to keep up my productivity like focus todo which is a combination of todos and pomodoros, pomodoros are really good. now i'm being a little more slack and using timeyourweb dec - since i am freed from project and google modules, i started back on my elearning modules it will be new year's eve soon. hoping 2021 i will find a job with good people and earn my keep. i just want to break out of my habit of running away when my emotional crutches a

currently obsessed with this multi arm bandit with greedy epsilon explore exploit dilemma optimal solution is UCB1  you can just read his annotated code https://github.com/lazyprogrammer/machine_learning_examples/blob/master/ab_testing/epsilon_greedy.py took it for a spin and manually typed out everything, played around with the #trials  https://repl.it/@wongluyi/bandit-algorithm#bandit.py where's the reinforcement part though? is it the reward? todoist recurring due dates with natural language and rotate subtasks or projects and karma points by the way todoist has this really nice smart schedule function that lets you schedule custom recurring tasks with natural language https://todoist.com/help/articles/due-dates-and-times https://todoist.com/help/articles/set-a-recurring-due-date i use this + projects + subtasks  because i have a 101 things going on, this helps me decide which ones i want to cover more ground faster and rotate among the tasks. also has this goal achieving featur

pluralsight.com | skill IQ  woah. i guess the hours did pay off 😎 its now the 4th module for the online course. i think i will drag until week 4 and meantime do the things i want to do - web coding, machine learning, job application i like the UI of google jobs. indeed.com is not bad too.

latest readings on mental health and therapy: channel youtube |  therapy in a nutshell | emma mcadam https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpuqYFKLkcEryEieomiAv3Q video youtube | rewiring the anxious mind | therapy in a nutshell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTuX_ShUrw0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fb-clvcX7fI udemy she also has a udemy course and i might buy it when there's fire sales. https://www.udemy.com/course/change-your-brain/?xref=wish&courseId=1082488 basically, anxiety is a signal, a voice telling you to focus your effort on something it is uncomfortable, but it is not inherently bad. anxiety, fear and excitement use similar pathways involving adrenaline. there's anxiety and there's disordered anxiety where you are in a safe situation but you still feel unsafe. because your brain has decided in response to a past situation that it needs you to highly avoid this situation. if your anxiety is giving you problems, that's where you need help. avoidance feeds d

the distress that results from discrepancies between ideal and perceived social relationships the only meaningful relationship i have right now is with my family. i care about them, they care about me, the last meaningful friendship came to an end when my job contract ended. we are both prickly porcupines and i really trusted her character that's why i felt a connection. i realised after my first job that paranoia, a lack of trust and i lack of striving leads to a sense of depression. as well as not being yourself. it is a sort of mild grieving i guess deep down, i somehow along the way decided that intimacy was too hard for me, i am too perfectionist, people disappoint me easy, and i was unlovable. i still shun when people try to get closer to me. maybe i should try to have a relationship with some higher power, like the way christians have a relationship with their god. if you read the literature, they say you have to be the one to create the meaning in your relationships. i shal

end of current stress project 3 down, 1 solo, 1 regroup to go  this one was easier for me as it was programmatic and i like understanding how technology and data works together gonna have some me time next week

 i don't really feel happy after interacting with people. hahahahaha

  woebot apparently i overgeneralise

 why think so much. come to think of it, it really doesn't make sense. i spent today in mental pain. on the outside i am having fun with my family member. but on the inside i am in pain. triggered by whatsapp and ruminating whether i am indeed close to my two friends. what the hell. waste time. anyway, i walked a lot, like 10am-5pm walking mostly. jumped rope twice and cooked dinner. really active day. and my legs doesn't hurt. i think they got stronger from skipping. i now jump rope quite fast and quite continuously to the tune of 2 songs. slowly up until i hit 30 mins. that's the magic number to stave off depression and anxiety. i am determined to take control of it even though obviously you have to practice acceptance and not control. but i would like to feel i have some self mastery.

there's these new tools i am using right now time your web https://timeyourweb.com/ chrome extension badge tells you how long visual of how you spent your time down to the sub domain  its another tool i use beside site blockers, pomodoros, todos passive way of tracking active time on pages. because when you are doing stuff like project work which involves a lot of googling, pomodoros are too structured and you cannot block sites.  again, my tips are only relevant for those who are studying/self studying. woebot bugs me everyday to talk about my feelings, kinda like a friend. but very one-way. kinda only knows how to challenge your thoughts and throw you learn-how-to-be-positive stuff. would prefer the 6 step from self aware log  1. pick the emotion you feel now 2. who were you with 3. what were you doing 4. what do you feel in your body? your chest, breathing 5. did you have any excuses or rationalisations when you were having that emotion? 6. what did you learn from this? over the

so dad confirmed he got let go at work, so we are down to 2 incomes at home. my bro is telling me to faster find job. be needing to start job search am clearing hubspot modules now i was a little deflated, but i think my exercise habit helps keep me inflated moon's really bright tonight many mornings i sun my face from the window now its not raining so i sleep fitfully and topless. i have no aircon no fan and blinds down fully.  avoiding aircon and wind and light is too distracting for me cropped the hdb flats below in case this is TMI starting to feel a little tired of running ahead of my negative emotions interesting reads: Overwhelmed? 10 ways to feel less busy Is your other half a master of strategic incompetence? That’s when men pretend to be useless around the house to avoid chores, sound familiar coursera foundations of everyday leadership influence problem composition problem motivation contigency consequences expectations social dilemma, defensive and offensive defection i