upskilling and self care

hi, i am almost 2 months unemployed, purposely so, wondering if i will get structural unemployment
sometimes i just hole up in my room because i dont want to go to the living room and talk to mum. not that my parents say much, but i know they worry. and every time mum asks me if i have applied for more jobs i get stressed. the last bout lasted a few days. i buckled down and yet again had to clean up my shit, on my day to day and my skills acquiring. so i am back to baseline now

UPSKILLING

job goals

• job with some specialisation 
• i realised admin help means you are a toilet bowl who fixes all the data needs of everyone you serve and their bosses. your time is at their mercy
• sure i could pack up and leave on time, but i dont
• just so unfulfilling
• i end on on a mindless hamsterwheel trying to clear my plate as fast as possible but never overcoming the deluge
• that's when i realised though i love my workplace, my job, my colleagues. its become toxic.

what i learn online now

• i use udemy when there is a flash sale going on, via email alert
• look for high stars, long hours, 
• look at the content overview - based on the lecture titles, does it look like the lectures are relevant and well though out?
• watch the last chapter of the sample - thats where the dry part and the bulk of the lectures are going to be like that
• look for visuals or walkthoughs, they are less dry
• instructors that speak concisely, energetically but not childishly, in a logical set by step manner
• look at the reviews to see what users think the course can be used for. users will give you an idea how the course is implemented and what the instructors focus on. it might not be suitable though the course is generally relevant as there are many ways of going about doing the same thing.

what i hope to get out of this time otherwise could be spent in formal work

• personal projects, freelanceable skills
• relevant generic skills that were never taught like writing and data analysis
• better time management, commitment and completion of goals

HAPPINESS

• i know its all very feel goody and not down to earth - like if i was not born in this situation, i would never been allowed the luxury of holing at home doing self discovery self directed learning and whatnot.
• its true i know i do practise some avoidance of topics that make me stress and focus on happy stuff. 
• me: i feel i have to have some level of delusion to be happy. like a unhappiness filter. a horse's blinds.
• i am keen to work on my avoidance coping mechanism.
• i found this website with CBT toolpacks. haven't gone through them yet, but will soon 
• and practice accountability - you may not like my definition of it - i keep really detailed track of what i have done for the day and my habits
• the story of sisyphus - he's the lame guy that keeps toiling to roll the stone up the slope
• i used to err on the side of putting out lesser effort, but i think i will use sisyphus as my role model now - dont think just keep trying 
• i try not to dread going back to the workforce. everyone is normal and human

HABITS, STICK-TO-IT-IVENESS

• there are days when you feel not so good. 
• buckle down. i recommend rituals and reading up on psychology. dont focus on other humans but yourself.
• rituals, habit chunks. morning rituals, night rituals
• morning - i multi task and do mini stuff tidying and prepping the kitchen, breakfast, caffeine, laundry, you may want to make lists
• night - is for hygiene. bath, brush teeth, tidying up your room, making lists on your phone, journaling, recalling
• you need to have a habit of estimating of how many cognitive points a task is going to take because. bullet journaling.
• i choose to not label video learning as productive time because i am not actually doing any output. output should be something tangible and of value and something i can put in my resume without feeling embarassed. watching udemy videos is lame in a resume.
• try and group your habits so you have less to keep track of. if it is small,do them together- this is habit chunking
• fleeting distraction - pomodoro, stick to something for 25 mins and then the timer sounds. i use the number of pomodoros. it is short enough for me still be able to stick for that single activity without break, like watch udemy or coding video
• be accountable - habit bull. you can see streaks and i account to it. i have habits like brush teeth, bathe, code, watch video, caffeine, sleep on time, those i do frequently everyday. because this is a chain not be be broken.
• the squeeze in when i can like reading for knowledge and making summary, those i schedule under google calendar goals.
• turn off the notifications, dont need stressful reminders.
• if you allow yourself break time, use it more for recharging unless it is the end of the day. it has to be rejuvenating. watching entertaining videos is not relaxing at all, unless it is something artsy like FZD school or earthy like christy ann jones. maybe reading fiction may be too stimulating too..
• i wonder what it would be like if i were to be more in tune with my future self. because i always do things to undermine my future prospects. like maybe i should do some vlog and then talk to it the next day.

MIND FOG

• i get mind fog when i drink from the firehose.
• i worry am i stuffing useless stuff into my brain
• my working memory is affected. i forget stuff, get lost, etc
• so far no clear answers but it helps to have a shopping list and also put things into your bag or near the door as environment reminders
• dont know is it due to being distracted by anxiety