20241005

when i saw that the big boss spoke to that young chit in an imperious tone, and then her boyfriend the male manager started speaking humbly, it is my sense that something major shifted and big boss was aware of their relations.  it made me feel a huge sense of relief, as i felt protected by the knowledge that there was now a check and balance. 

this, coupled with the revelation that another young girl had spoken up to the managers of her treatment from that young chit and also another developer lent his side of the story. apparently she had told people they were stupid and commanded the other to do her work. thus, this made me feel much better as it was evidence to me that she was starting to reap the consequences of her not nice character. i could finally let go of my hatred and pain. some kind of vindication that she was a indeed a person who was brutal to others and arrogant. no one likes a person who steals credit. this happened before the solar eclipse. 

the day before the solar eclipse i also told the woman manager she was rude. draw a line. lets not care about her childish reaction. anyway you cannot expect someone in misery to really able to keep calm and introspect. cos her words are toxic. and personal. the more she spews the more she gets some weird supernatural retaliation. i hope she learnt to be humble.

now the young chick behaves more humbly. i am wary of her real nature. greed is a delusion not easily let go of. hatred too. buddhist concepts. greed, delusion, ignorance. i now actively avoid insecure people and mind my own business. women tend to put on an act. i am sick of fake women and only want to interact with females who don't need to put on an act. females who are loved by their men properly.

also, i still miss him a lot. i just don't go and pry into his love life on instagram anymore. just focus on living my life. the young chick introduced her friend who is very cringey on ig. i wonder if he knows she was a bitch to me. beneath all that fake innocence. why pretend to be child like when you have as much adult desires as any other adult female and know how to pretend as any other adult female. cringe.

i'll admit, i miss him a lot. i am now in the state where i know i cannot check anymore. just admit that, yea, i miss him. and that's it. i am not even going to think about my future, that will hurt too. thinking about my future hurts. interacting too much with the young girl brings me back to the past and it hurts. i'll just stay in the present for now.

focus on my health, exercise, doing the things i like, greenery, being nicer to my family members.

peace out.