20241020

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do you believe in astrology?

and do you believe in weird happenings if you have extreme emotions, or sometimes i wasnt even emoting

it happened like 4 times.

fire of the flat below her house

telegram went down

someone's father got heart issue (that one was major L to her)


weird ass shit


and now is the grand cross in the sky with sun pluto mars chiron


i can feel so much transforming in me


the pain is much gone


it comes back and then i process it and its gone


and i dont think i like him that much because when i see him posting neutral stuff on ig i am not elated at all. maybe he hurt me too much i just dont trust him at all. because i just think everything is a lie. everything is a lie. i dont believe in him, i dont believe in us anymore. like i am just cynical already.


the voice in my head says he probably heard i am hurting and putting on a show to be the good guy. my mum said i should not because he just keeps hurting me and he didnt do anything. which is extremely true.


in fact i am thinking of the other guy in office. weird. was thinking i feel more comfortable around him.


maybe he caused me too much pain i lost my romantic feelings for him and only left attachment because of the pain. 


that is why i dont dare to chase other guys or chase him. cos i am very risky now. now is more the time for me to clear my cobwebs and not try anything.


anyway now down with flu again because some pool water went into my sinuses. blocked and runny nose.

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