20241214

today was a miracle day which i havent felt for very long. 

i experience yet another period of clarity! able to not feel anything when i think of him. doesnt last that long though. sad. 

during that moment of clarity i felt light and away from my troubles. everything very light. unimportant. he also unimportant to me suddenly.. as light and carefree as the blue sky. i had a fond memories of baker boy. we might have been happy together. this proves to me the whole thing is just a state of mind. hopefully it will forever pass soon. things and people who are truly good for me.

these few days i felt under the weather. insomnia for 2 weeks. heavy head. slow memory. i felt the pressure on my third eye lift. 

felt completely calm and peaceful. the headache still there though. i took a nap and felt better. i only know today is the start of my week long break and also i took beta glucan. so i think it was it. i also took magtein and high dha fish oil. i remember i oocasionally take vitamin b complex in the past too. so lets try it. i am keen to try vitamin c in the form of fruits.

i believe mercury retrograde and mars retrograde has effect man. people around be acting up.

also it was madness as people became quite uncivil and downright rude. i hope my boss told them to behave. i think they cried. not sure did they seek resolution to their concerns. i think cos the tech lead not engaging enough. and the project manager push forward the timeline too much. anyway their lifestyle poor. not supposed to sleep so late and think you iron man or something. they always having flu so think they under a lot of stress. also they gossipy. which is something i dont quite like and want to avoid in my own character development. i know not gossiping excludes one from the inner circle but i dont want to be a gossip. its like giving others a lot of attention. and then your boundaries start to blur. this is my own values.

i think the blue sky and sea is so good! that vast expanse! the sun is shining in my heart again!