20241220

i am very tempted to whistleblow. because i just dont trust. i just try to keep to logic and facts. and try to translate everything into steps.

live like there are people out there who dont like you?

when you miss him just remember he is that little bitch. whom you are better off without. i hope to get love which is kind, is loving, is patient, is humble.

maybe i should just go be a christian.

i am finding that i having insomnia for about 2 - 3 weeks. recently the short term memory got really bad, i am not sure whether the 1 month is better. but the crying seems to be under control. unfortunately you just have to gaslight yourself a ton. not very self affirming. probably easy to get bullied. am exercising many times a week to rid the anxiety. hot flash max sia. maybe i should get a fan. what are the thought patterns that indicate you are ruminating?

unfortunately i have to adhere to a very strict routine and cannot tolerate much stress. i also cannot tolerate caffeine or green tea. like maybe 1 glass maximum. on b vitamins and phosphotidylserine and dha fish oil and probiotics and lecithin and fos.

i go hiking almost every week with my colleague. but the thing is she want to meet on saturday sia. usually saturday is family day for me.. so now sunday is family day.

my brother today keep shooing me away. very erratic behavior. he say the deal very important to him lor. seems like once his deals confirm he want to go overseas.

the master say i need to upskill next year. the thing is studying will make me burn out so i have to be very careful.

my senior like very showy but she keeps the convo going which is a good thing. so just like that lor. if it works it works.

i just have a lot of hatred inside my heart. only one apologised. i dont feel like forgiving though. out of my dictionary. its just something i carry along with me. like something in my pocket.

today the master very fake and self promoting. maybe just dont go back. like not very value add. waste time. ask me come back. he look very down, maybe business not good.

i have to learn to not let my sympathies overflow. be logical, be methodical.

i am not ready to study yet.

i really need to try and kick my taxi habit. for which i need to kick my dinner habit.