06/09/2020 - too much self control can backfire

 https://hbr.org/2020/01/the-dark-side-of-self-control

in my 20s, i self imploded.

combined with low self esteem, poor emotional regulation, lack of self understanding

first there's the anger, then depression

have to learn to direct that fire at something else and at the same time hold your values in your mind.

if you slip up, it's ok, forgive yourself. better luck next time.

that's why now i believe in less deprivation, more understanding of yourself. also, feelings of guilt and shame never work. only the unemotional drive to "just do it" and unemotionally adhere to the right path. self speak matters. speak to yourself in a rational and reasonable tone, one that always looks for other options and doesn't throw their hands up or engage that side that wants to explode or escape when things are not so nice.

the above hbr article talks about the disadvantages of to much self control

for some people who are more emotional, they might feel more affected by exercising more self control and not being true to themselves. self control also means hiding your true self and conforming to norms.

i believe in being the tortoise. build up your skill set day by day. if you keep trying, on some days you will achieve small wins. and that's what makes you advance towards your goals. there isn't really a set path because we are not omniscient nor prescient. kind of fumbling in the dark.