12/09/2020 - to be able to live life selfishly

feeling tired. i am now juggling my personal goal of coding, my 4 hour a week online course (not to mention my team mates are all so passive it takes more time than that to get their concordance on any tiny thing), housework, cooking. i never got into the exercise habit.

i think if i were to hold down i job i would let the house fall into squalor and shirk all my responsibilities.

• think i need to measure my household chore quantitatively
• log the start time for each chore. log the end time for each chore
• start time lets me know how often i am distracted.
• start and end gives me duration so i know how much time i spend each day or week on chores

what i do

• mon - fri
• daily - water plants, laundry (on the machine, hang up,take down, sunning, distribute), keep dried utensils
• once - grocery for meals at home
• gets a papaya and skins, cuts and stores it. i need papaya so everyone also gets to eat it.
• every other day - cooking (includes prep, cooking,cleaning up, dishes). so we can have fibre.
• sat - wash both toilets, laundry (this time i do twice - one for clothes, one for floor cloth, and last cycle for cleaning the tub but no hanging the laundry)
• sun is the only real day off i have

• i also have to help my dad with his admin stuff because his IT sucks
• checks the house whenever we go out
• closes the windows and keeps the laundry whenever it rains. which is every day.

compare that to my bro
- sat - floor (vacuum and mop) - maybe 1 hour of his time
- works 5 days a week, comes home around 4 pm, weekend/weeknight 2 or 3 times goes on business related social gathering

and my dad

• weekend - fold his own laundry while watching tv
• dad works 6 days a week so we don't ask him to do anything other than his own stuff
• mostly sloppy at home and zoned out. unless he sees us females working our asses off he suddenly behaves well and gives compliments

mum
weekday she shares the laundry with me. she also does a lot of miscellaneous work like packing stuff. sometimes boils herbal tea. buys most of the groceries. she also keeps track of the supplies at home. provides emotional support by listening to her kids. nags at her husband whenever he behaves like a slob. checks the house whenever we go out. closes the windows and keeps the laundry whenever it rains. which is every day.

in short, it is still an unbalanced world. for me the worst bit is those that are time dependent and need monitoring.

 the laundry and the grocery and the boiling of water, the when it's raining routine, the last check before we go out routine. checking of household supplies. checking whether the laundry basket is full.

men only do the things that don't require their constant attention. they consider it having done their part. but they don't realize there is a cost to pay for all the monitoring. mentally it occupies space in my head.

i have half a mind to live alone and selfishly. my free time would increase exponentially.

times are changing, yes. but still, in real life, i still see my friends frustrated, the older females in my life still do the bulk.

am also quite glad mum is returning to work in her office. i don't know why.

i don't get people who do volunteer work. is life not busy enough for you? i do feel like helping 1 elderly clean their house/get grocery every week though. just 1 elderly household.

do i sound negative? i do hear stories of men who share chores equally. i think my uncle works from home, does all the admin and oversees the maid when his wife is out. he is in between the age of my brother and my father. he also underwent a period of adjustment i heard stories where my aunt in law wasn't too happy to have to be at home minding the maid and baby all the time. she decided to go and get a job even though it wasn't an easy role. that's why jobs are good for women. you then are in the same situation as a working male and you can demand equality from there. but it is still sad that it always starts from the female. maybe we should all be infertile. or be blind and deaf and comfortable with squalor and disorder.