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today i want to celebrate something, i finally reached out to my career coach and sent that email asking her to look through my resume. she said she would do it by 4jan2021 a look at this year end jan - ended my job feb to aug - passed by in a blur. i think i started on machine learning somewhere and it is really quite a tough subject to understand sep to nov/dec - avado course, projects, wrestled with completing the google analytics module, and then the skillshop ones were the worst, and then later on the hubspot ones i used various tools to keep up my productivity like focus todo which is a combination of todos and pomodoros, pomodoros are really good. now i'm being a little more slack and using timeyourweb dec - since i am freed from project and google modules, i started back on my elearning modules it will be new year's eve soon. hoping 2021 i will find a job with good people and earn my keep. i just want to break out of my habit of running away when my emotional crutches a...

currently obsessed with this multi arm bandit with greedy epsilon explore exploit dilemma optimal solution is UCB1  you can just read his annotated code https://github.com/lazyprogrammer/machine_learning_examples/blob/master/ab_testing/epsilon_greedy.py took it for a spin and manually typed out everything, played around with the #trials  https://repl.it/@wongluyi/bandit-algorithm#bandit.py where's the reinforcement part though? is it the reward? todoist recurring due dates with natural language and rotate subtasks or projects and karma points by the way todoist has this really nice smart schedule function that lets you schedule custom recurring tasks with natural language https://todoist.com/help/articles/due-dates-and-times https://todoist.com/help/articles/set-a-recurring-due-date i use this + projects + subtasks  because i have a 101 things going on, this helps me decide which ones i want to cover more ground faster and rotate among the tasks. also has this goal achiev...

pluralsight.com | skill IQ  woah. i guess the hours did pay off 😎 its now the 4th module for the online course. i think i will drag until week 4 and meantime do the things i want to do - web coding, machine learning, job application i like the UI of google jobs. indeed.com is not bad too.

latest readings on mental health and therapy: channel youtube |  therapy in a nutshell | emma mcadam https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpuqYFKLkcEryEieomiAv3Q video youtube | rewiring the anxious mind | therapy in a nutshell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTuX_ShUrw0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fb-clvcX7fI udemy she also has a udemy course and i might buy it when there's fire sales. https://www.udemy.com/course/change-your-brain/?xref=wish&courseId=1082488 basically, anxiety is a signal, a voice telling you to focus your effort on something it is uncomfortable, but it is not inherently bad. anxiety, fear and excitement use similar pathways involving adrenaline. there's anxiety and there's disordered anxiety where you are in a safe situation but you still feel unsafe. because your brain has decided in response to a past situation that it needs you to highly avoid this situation. if your anxiety is giving you problems, that's where you need help. avoidance feeds d...

the distress that results from discrepancies between ideal and perceived social relationships the only meaningful relationship i have right now is with my family. i care about them, they care about me, the last meaningful friendship came to an end when my job contract ended. we are both prickly porcupines and i really trusted her character that's why i felt a connection. i realised after my first job that paranoia, a lack of trust and i lack of striving leads to a sense of depression. as well as not being yourself. it is a sort of mild grieving i guess deep down, i somehow along the way decided that intimacy was too hard for me, i am too perfectionist, people disappoint me easy, and i was unlovable. i still shun when people try to get closer to me. maybe i should try to have a relationship with some higher power, like the way christians have a relationship with their god. if you read the literature, they say you have to be the one to create the meaning in your relationships. i shal...

end of current stress project 3 down, 1 solo, 1 regroup to go  this one was easier for me as it was programmatic and i like understanding how technology and data works together gonna have some me time next week

 i don't really feel happy after interacting with people. hahahahaha

  woebot apparently i overgeneralise

 why think so much. come to think of it, it really doesn't make sense. i spent today in mental pain. on the outside i am having fun with my family member. but on the inside i am in pain. triggered by whatsapp and ruminating whether i am indeed close to my two friends. what the hell. waste time. anyway, i walked a lot, like 10am-5pm walking mostly. jumped rope twice and cooked dinner. really active day. and my legs doesn't hurt. i think they got stronger from skipping. i now jump rope quite fast and quite continuously to the tune of 2 songs. slowly up until i hit 30 mins. that's the magic number to stave off depression and anxiety. i am determined to take control of it even though obviously you have to practice acceptance and not control. but i would like to feel i have some self mastery.

there's these new tools i am using right now time your web https://timeyourweb.com/ chrome extension badge tells you how long visual of how you spent your time down to the sub domain  its another tool i use beside site blockers, pomodoros, todos passive way of tracking active time on pages. because when you are doing stuff like project work which involves a lot of googling, pomodoros are too structured and you cannot block sites.  again, my tips are only relevant for those who are studying/self studying. woebot bugs me everyday to talk about my feelings, kinda like a friend. but very one-way. kinda only knows how to challenge your thoughts and throw you learn-how-to-be-positive stuff. would prefer the 6 step from self aware log  1. pick the emotion you feel now 2. who were you with 3. what were you doing 4. what do you feel in your body? your chest, breathing 5. did you have any excuses or rationalisations when you were having that emotion? 6. what did you learn from this...

so dad confirmed he got let go at work, so we are down to 2 incomes at home. my bro is telling me to faster find job. be needing to start job search am clearing hubspot modules now i was a little deflated, but i think my exercise habit helps keep me inflated moon's really bright tonight many mornings i sun my face from the window now its not raining so i sleep fitfully and topless. i have no aircon no fan and blinds down fully.  avoiding aircon and wind and light is too distracting for me cropped the hdb flats below in case this is TMI starting to feel a little tired of running ahead of my negative emotions interesting reads: Overwhelmed? 10 ways to feel less busy Is your other half a master of strategic incompetence? That’s when men pretend to be useless around the house to avoid chores, sound familiar coursera foundations of everyday leadership influence problem composition problem motivation contigency consequences expectations social dilemma, defensive and offensive defection i...

 reflections october was a fart i wasted october because i didn't understand content strategy the way i wanted to, so down the rabbit hole and shit tons of time researching on content. privately, you should think of work as school. you progress though the grades and gain a framework of skills and knowledge if you want to learn a variety of related skills, maybe you should seek a workplace that will let you grow, instead of wanting to milk you for the existing skills you have what can you learn from that job? will it take too much of your time? thankless job? seek a large company and change departments every 5 years else, seek worklife balance, remote working and learn skills on the internet. welcome to the gig economy.

done with skillshop modules, on track as per my month end target.  took me long enough though. now 3/6 months into the course am left with this. goal is to clear it by this wed 02/12/2020 this was newly added so not part of my original goal that was painful to do ☝ interesting articles i read on the internet today  Four Reasons to Cultivate Patience tertiarycourses sg

 https://www.focustodo.cn/ week of 23 nov https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/momentum/laookkfknpbbblfpciffpaejjkokdgca?hl=en https://todoist.com/productivity-methods https://www.loseit.com/ week of 23 nov. missed a day

why am i so sensitive to cold? why is the weather so cold disclosure: i don't really wash my hair these days i wonder is my metabolism low if i feel really cold. if my metabolism is low, am i not having any physical improvements from my daily workout? a day's work spent a whole day yesterday doing 1 thing - figuring out why i am having issues with the logout route, authorisation = no auth in postman, token expiring even though i am logged in. evening routine i guess i got a little obsessed? i skipped the breaks afforded by my pomodoro tracker. mental note that coding may sometimes be heavy work that derails my evening routine. even missed my daily workout. damn. try to do more today. morning routine avoid spending i am just craving in the morning to go somewhere nice and have some expensive food, sighs. in my case the only way to stave off that is to make your own meals at home so you avoid going out. make ahead breakfast  to make up for my over spending, i made breakfast at ho...

 its been raining and the weather is so cold i spent more than usual today. on the java and atas food %arabica > hoshino hoshino is too bitter and thin, or at least the one i had at mid day i lost track of time and hogged the %arabica seat.  dbs app reminded me of my bad spending habits and attempts to reel it it - quizzed me on my grab spending, are they human or what - told me i spent too much on food recently what works - cooking your own food, so you dont get food delivery or eat out, both are expensive if you dont have an income - cook your breakfast at home. morning routine. - or maybe make ahead breakfast  idea  alongside dinner so you cook only once a day - cook your dinner at home - have settled into a repeated menu for dinner, its very simple and does not require much planning - we shop once a week to get the groceries, 3x2 packs of veg, 3 fish fillets, and 2 cartons of egg where supply is low, 10 eggs are not enough to last - helps with habit forming. n...

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help center https://support.google.com/google-ads/thread/59051867?hl=en module - build responsive creative variants https://skillshop.exceedlms.com/student/activity/33818-build-responsive-creative-variants this question  Where to create new priority groups with the dynamic feed Where to view the dynamic feed’s OR/AND rules Where to select new rules and signals for the dynamic feed Where to view the dynamic feeds rules within each priority group in the feed nowhere can you find an answer inside the module.  the help center question was also locked.  correct answer is BCDA.  i did the survey for this module to let them know there is no answer to be found within their content. its so frustrating just like their certification exams e.g. campaign manager. question is just plucked from the sky from some idiot question/education designer who doesn't cross check their content >:(  

 i was angry the whole day because my hair tie was missing. now my hair is clipped by 2 clothes peg. feel so much better. i think i am really hypersensitve in that regard. anyway i bought 5 spares. had only 1 cos its really expensive but durable. don't know where did that little fucker end up >:( people talking to me on my headphone repeatedly causing me to take my earphones off and on and restart my song makes me angry. and when its something illogical that triggers my anger state, it doesn't go down fast. because it is pure irritation and i dont know how to reduce it. probably linked to some kind of underlying anxiety. probably freak out real easy. other kinds might go down the sadness and hurt route so it decreases.

 

badges from lose it! i'm an exercise hound now. been skipping everyday. left with 7 modules of skillshop/coursera for this one. its thursday already  >.<  dont want to go beyond this week much less this month. cleared 6 mods since the start of this month. hurrah 

been too go go go till i'm stifled and stressed. decided to take the easy way and cheat and google the answers so i cleared the bloody modules. tests are stupid anyway. just testing who has better memory for random details. i like the youtube videos though. video + cheatsheet/summary sheet still my favourite way to learn. figured out what to click so the progress get registered and cleared that troublesome module too. maybe if i have the time, i might make some notes. but i really want to code first. databases, api, front end widgets and frameworks, query methods, optimisation, some machine learning, and analytics tag. also figured i need to know some design, and IA, as well as HCI. i loosened and enjoyed myself today. cleared some modules. and also pooped. was having tummy ache yesterday but too backed up to clear. now its cleared, i feel a sense of relief google AMP pages something new. took the easy way out and winging it felt so good. i aim to clear the outstanding by this week...

 focus to do extension lose it! app  i have gotten used to exercising everyday for a short while. these days i add a morning workout on top of my late afternoon one somehow, i managed to get an exercise habit references - kaizen (start small), charlies duhigg habit loop (cue reward) i think the reward of a better mood (less frustration, less rumination, thus more focus) and less bloating  self talk goes like have to invest a little everyday so can have a nice next day, gonna feel so much lighter and freer after that workout pomodoro helps me single task and stay on task. i'm guilty of opening distracting tabs and sites. can combine with a site blocker.  but my studies has been slow. the skillshop cert is too hard. i can cheat but i dont want to google the answers. they are asking questions from no where. the study modules that avado referenced were not really tested. and they asking super technical terms. even the help center does not have the answer so i am really c...

working towards goals. upcoming - clear google skillshop and coursera modules, so i am left with avado modules someday - clear those udemy traversy modules. and continue coding. that's all i can say for now.  will still say i am tempted to look for a job but i am still wanting to pursue my job on my own terms. i know i am late and its detrimental. but we are seeing progress here. and then find a junior role and start from there. my dream is to have a routine job that i can just work at typing and data. not require me to keep reaching out to people or have uncertainty.  i cleared 7 pomodoros today using 2 pomodoro apps focus todo (allocate pomodoro by task, you can also plan by project and also, (today, tomorrow, upcoming and someday), i like the timelines)  forest chrome extensions (plant a tree badge, you can plant a real one too).  i'm using whitelist mode.  and both pomodoro apps at the same time. of the 7: 5 - google skilllshop cert 2 - reading books with hi...

 google slides/insert audio google recorder natural reader - natural sounding voice audacity - record internal audio pinterest - background artistic illustration lucidchart - generate charts + diagrams xshare - for recording screen + audio fun extensions i am using right now android - lose it - calorie counter - extensive food options, badges chrome - blocksite - blocker - contains whitelist pomodoro work mode, no badges chrome - forest - whitelist pomodoro - grow a tree i had  1 serving of exercise today (5 mins of skipping) 3 servings of pomodoro (20+5 mins each) => i completed 1 module of skillshop, basically i copied the site and ctrl f to find the answer, i didn't want to google the answer, rather have nice notes junk food - subway for breakfast (the hashbrown) wonder why my thoughts turn dark whenever i sit down to study. its only quiet when i do cooking cos i have to keep thinking of the next step. i don't like being alone with my thoughts. i feel happy when i chat w...

 project 2 checked. 3 more to go. i dont think we will do well, but i dont really care. just too fatigued.

proud to say i have managed 7/10 days of skipping 5 mins since 29/10/2020. i think its the stress relief and the thought of exercise as a necessary daily investment/payment i have to do for sleep and stop the advance of visceral fat build up. would like to invest some day time to do mat workout to strengthen my shoulder and abs. stress. abating now since its the end of the project cycle. i shall endeavour to stress less and wait till last minute to do the project the next cycle. also less angry now that i am less stress. however, my neck really hurts. sleep is improving, though still poor quality. so far exercise and less caffeine and don't sleep too late. my brain is ok, just a little forgetful. focus on own projects is still poor. too caught up with the digital marketing group project. cannot focus on the google modules because its too boring.

  this is a meal i cooked. typical one.  i dont love cooking. its just i need proper nutrition that's all thinking of sneaking in some light exercise and complete the project outline. i cant believe how much time i have spent on it do i not understand the topic?! stupid avado project 2 is a pain in the ass what are banking micro moments that are critical? and i very long never exercise my belly very scary. haiya how to go crazy and exercise alot alot. i tried wysa and i didn't like it. same as woebot. overall i think calm is better in terms of mental wellness app. i also like bts healing songs like bts in the soop, 4 oclock, trivia seesaw,  forever rain etc and i like watching mejoo and cats as well as her vlog channel on youtube. i like her lifestyle and her voice and light humor.

i need a meal plan for next week. wonder if i can survive 2 meals a day? my meals sucked when i worked i kept OTing so dad kept buying food for me i also realised my mum stocks the fridge and i hate grocery shopping. if i have no groceries and i dont stop being lazy, i end up grab-bing all the time which is expensive no i'm not going to use the adulting tag. im 30 and this is stupid. ok i still have my project outline to do and 2 toilets to wash and hanging up the laundry to dry before everyone come back. stuff you need to look out for in old age exercise habit way when you are way younger, before middle age even older people need lists of prohibited food need to measure and record constantly when they get even older, they probably need to keep a journal so they can maintain their memories.

getting back the project marks the score was ok, we got 6/10, after painstaking work too. ohmygawd, the course is not easy. but, that's good, because i do like a challenge anyway the section done by our mini group was graded professional, the 2nd highest, so it came as a comfort cannot let that setback hold me back. need a clean state of mind. i cleared 2 google skillshop modules today. because i realised those modules with certs were shorter in length so i am going to start targeting them. ergh i wanted to clear those before oct ends, i dont want to drag out the course anymore i have been neglecting my coding.

 i think, i am suffering from empathy fatigue now. so i need to vent right now. here. supporting one friend who has work loneliness  while navigating minefields by being really direct but objective as much as i can manage.  so i preserve my boundaries. and my sanity trying to have adult-like conversations that are win-win  shifting her away from being too negative so i don't get overwhelmed by negativity and maybe not feel bored and dragged down due to the repetitiveness negative people display it's common to be obsessive i felt so drained and tired after listening to her troubles when we went out i have my own set of social anxiety to deal with, and hearing other people's difficulties with it, i don't know is it good to know more about the unhappiness of the world? people still befuddle me i felt like i have been listening to her kvetch is this considered in depth conversation?  listening to troubles and offering positivity? we don't share the same humor she as...

back to my obsession with routines again i'm obsessed with self motivation and self regulation, like how do you build up positive habits according to google, some includes: being positive yourself do small. small wins are the way you do it. don't set yourself up for failure and unpleasantness. don't overreach too soon. associate with people who are positive and get their life in order and talks about how they feel proud about it. my mum finds discipline easy and is the person who picks stuff up after you  but she will also get lazy and spoilt if you do too much of her stuff dad is only motivated at work.  he works 6 days a week. for god knows how many decades. under the sun. standing in the hangar, in the runway.  at home, he's quite the slob, but we don't demand much of him. do extra for people. doing nice stuff for people that doesn't feel like you are overdoing (this qualifier is important).  i fill up people's water bottles, bring out the trash, bring in...

 its 1.5/6 months into the course i have wasted 0.5 month doing zilch. last month i cleared the digital garage module group (except 2) and the analytics module group, left with the skillshop module group. cleared the avado module 3 pending the live classes and the project. still left with 15 google skillshop modules. the ad one i'm doing is already endless. easy but endless and then there's the coursera ones too. and the concepts for the project - that's the largest time drain because you have no idea where you are going, keep on googling and googling until you chance upon an article that fits the essay you have to write. i am not using my brain, i am just googling iteratively until i get the best answer, that's what i am doing right now. it may or may not be faster without collaboration. your group mates do give ideas sometimes, and i try my best not to shoot down ideas prematurely. my target:  2 weeks to clear the skillshop, 1 week to clear the project. i took 2 days ...

Why Fake Friends are Ruining You and How to End a Friendship great article.

stuff that makes me feel atas 1 thing. having coffee in a deserted cafe. can be mcdonalds, can be %arabica at jewel some humans around, makes me feel like i have to look productive and actually i do get stuff done when there's busy people around me. and maybe studying at NTU on weekends when there no one at all - super quiet and the place is hugeee. i feel great when there are no humans, basically. things that make me feel good instantly music things that are chores by definition but make me feel good washing the toilet - i use everything with handles and sprays, i never crouch down to scrub the floor it smells good, and when your are lathering stuff, it kinda feels like bath time what others like to do to destress - but i dont showering, its mindless to me what i have no choice but to do cooking - cos i need my fibres go ntuc - cos i need my fibres (hong kong XL papaya) go nearby supermarket - cos i need my fibres how i create my own little workspace on my chrome browser i have a ...

done with google data studio. disliked the click by demo. rather have video with visible mouseover and annotations. the courses are techical, so its always kinda painful to do them. thinking of grabbing my cuppa at jewel % arabica tomorrow. i love the place its so empty and minimalist with white gold and black. the coffee is ok but you get wifi and a nice space so yeah. my skillsfuture training allowance will come in on the 7th. been struggling to balance project work, coding, google square courses. the avado theory courses are ok because its english and i don't mind reading. technical courses kinda groan but some are interesting like google tag manager i am very bad at emotional regulation and a some stress like social anxiety or frustration with learning a difficult module throws me off course  i have been barely cooking. and not exercising. i can only juggle like max 2 things a day. don't know how to increase my productivity level without feeling stifled. never get down to e...

i think the project for avado module 1 is not the worst part of the course right now. the google digital garage is not the worst. so far, it is the google analytics one. the tag manager module was so freaking hard.

watched netflix american horror story season 9. pretty good. but i think watching killings makes me feel empty. so maybe not too often. do enjoy grey's anatomy though. but binge watching always succeeds in de-motivating me. i feel kinda blue after a session. udemy - node api 60/76 now, 16 more to go avado - module 1 - project fleshed out some parts of the 4 questions, feeling like there's more direction self brainstorming on trello did work - can do the random fire away ideas until you get some ok ideas google slides by my team member did work too - refinement of the points google garage -  still at module 1. not yet touched module 2. had pretty low energy today. yesterday also. i don't know if its because the coffee was too strong, i don't have enough fibre, what's causing my lethargy. but i am still hammering away at my 2 projects. i enjoy my time alone and reflection, but like any other human, i will have fears of being lonely once in a while. a very useless tho...

i just realised my online digital marketing course has 31 google modules. fuck. i rushed 22/26 of 1/31 google mod today. feeling empty. numb feeling of not absorbed anything. this means i gonna need to minimum clear 5 mods per week. which is 1 mod per day.  also tried to arrange and add points to the project in trello. trying out trello because you can move cards from 1 list to another in your board. %arabica caffe latte @ jewel changi. was really keyed up today. maybe that's why i am drained and how i zoomed through almost 1 google mode in 1 day with 2 sittings. costed me aorund 7 8 dollars. i prefer hoshino coffee. or even essenso columbian or sumatra microground instant coffee. i sat there, opened my laptop and furiously clicked through the bloody module quizzes. i think i will do that at safra macs next time. its always empty on weekday mornings. only coded remaining 2 eps of section 7 today. its 11 pm and my brain is fried. nowadays i study/code 5 days a week. sat is for house...

spent almost the whole day tracing errors. what happens when you don't test as you code. impatient coder me. its 1045 pm now. i am now 2/3 way through the node api masterclass. wouldn't say that is wholly accurate.  i learnt to check the route path, add console log so i know the controller was called. downside of error handling you get less of a stack trace. i wonder if there's a way to configure expressjs morgan logger so that i can see the stack trace for all the 400 series error. it's actually 500 also, but it's always due to my code. so far i have  done testing and  read through some stuff like the error handler and the expansion of the error class.  vaguely understand mongo methods and statics.  mongo virtuals not so.  mongo aggregate vaguely mongo ref and populate vaguely after this udemy class i need to either do the front end mini projects class  or i need code through the express book. my backend knowledge is vague. still need to know more ab...

hi all happy to say so far so good, been achieving my daily targets. FOR NOW. i will group the tools for my productivity system group 1 do it tomorrow - this app makes you focus only on today and tomorrow. so you know what you cannot clear today will snowball to tomorrow, which is really annoying. set specific and doable tasks like watch ep 5 to 8 of section 3 so you can clear the target. always include a target for exercise . if you have read the power of habits by charles duhigg, exercise is a keystone habit blockers like stay focusd by transfusion media and stayfocused by innoxapps , when i see its blocked, i know i have slacked too much, time to go back to work. exercise use the same song or same playlist. go for the videos with the same song don't go hard, aim for consistency - everyday no missed day warm up my current mix now is a 30 min zumba vid + 5 min skipping (2 plays of drake's in my feelings) i am not sure, but i always have this voice in my head saying i'm f...

screen time makes me unhappy went to watch a movie yesterday. movie - tenet. it was unsatisfying. nothing new. watching people go round in circles. movie - inception, similar but was better. by the way. why is dune due in december so far away. *sets a reminder in Keep* "fear is the mind killer" - wendy rhoades, billions. director directed blade runner 2049, one of the best sets i have seen. quiet movie. slept like shit last night. wonder why. woke up at ?? time today to an empty house and then 1130am made some eggs and bread and aglio olio for lunch. realised we ran out of mushrooms. watched netflix - the social dilemma on screen addiction. the usual shit. nothing new. 1 hour felt like 2 hours. not a fan of dooms day news. 0200pm i'm quite speedy so i cooked and cleaned and dishwashed after the flick ended. watered the plants. reflection on the flick- maybe gen Z has a pretty bad case of phone addiction. my gen z cousin fought with his parents when they tried to control h...